Holocene
by LiAmber
Summary: They've known each other for years, but she only acknowledges him when it's too late. Eventually, with years, fate creeps up at them on very random and different times of their lives, bringing them together and trying to mold the unsaid, undid, the said and the done into a realization that there won't be anyone better for either of them. A/H ExB
1. Chapter 1

Hi! I won't be saying much, but what I will say in this short paragraph is Merry Christmas to everybody, and a Happy New Year!

Also, figuring that this is a new story and something that I've really worked on for a long time, I hope and wish the best from you.

Thank you for everything. Have a great time reading this! :)

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**Chapter one**

The green graduation caps flew up in the air and Rosalie beside me squeaked in delight. I couldn't help but smile.

I look over my shoulder at Mike who's getting congratulated by his buddies next to him. His blue eyes are on me and he grins. I barely put my hand up when Rose sweeps me off my feet, one of the caps hitting my head and falling down on my seat.

"We did it, Swan! We did it!" Rosalie screams sounding relieved. I giggle and usher her to put me on the ground as I grab the cap fallen on my seat. I try to adjust it on my head, but Rosalie pulls on my arm and I stumble off behind her bluntly.

"Lauren!" She screams waving her arm in the air, I let out a small huff and hastily unlink our linked arms, turning around. I adjust the cap and straighten out, smiling brightly as my Mom approaches me with a hug.

"Sweetie, I am so proud of you."

I bet this is what every parent says to their child after they've seen them graduate. It's complete bullshit.

Mom – Renee- pulls away and wipes her cheek with the back of her hand. I give her a compassionate smile as Dad shows up behind her.

"Mom, come on," I chuckle and rub her shoulder. "Don't cry!"

"I'm sorry, you're just so beautiful, hon. Emmett would be so happy…"

My lower lip wobbles a bit and for a second, I'm sad. Until my eyes meet Dad's compassionate ones and I know it's not the time for a crying fit. He smiles at me and Mom squeezes me tighter.

Mom pulls me into a hug again, we wobble from side to side for a bit before she freezes and gasps.

"Mom?"

"Renee?"

Dad takes a step forward, extending his hands, but Mom is out of my arms in a second. I look over my shoulder as she stalks away, the heels of her shoes digging in the awfully mown grass.

I sigh and Dad pats my shoulder, chuckling.

"It's mom, Bells. Don't take her seriously."

"I bet Mrs. Stanley has the same shoes today."

"Maybe just in a different color." Dad cocks his head to the side, eyeing the two women exchanging a small chat. Of course – a small chat.

"Still the same shoes, pops." I nudge him with my elbow and he ruffles my hair after taking off my cap.

"Ugh, I can't believe it!" I hear Rosalie's voice is coming from the right. I turn to look and she's stumbling towards us with a sour expression. She looks up and pouts, my dad quirks up an eyebrow.

"Green is not her color." I smile as I come by her side. "Come on, Barbie."

"I told you not to call me that."

"You givin' her a ride, Rose?" Dad shoves his hands in his jacket pockets and tilts his chin up.

"Sure, Mr. Swan! We're heading to Newton's, I'll get her home soon-"  
"And then we're heading out again!" I cut in, because I just do not want to mingle with my and Jessica's bizarre relatives that keep swooning over Jess.

It just happens that Jessica is my cousin. And Mrs. Stanley happens to be my Mom's sister. And it's just awful.

Dad gives me a look, sighs and then heads off after Mom.

"Let's go before Aunt Sarah can reach me! Neither of us want that to happen." I huff, pulling her behind me.

We make it out of the h_uuuuuuuuuu_ge fucking crowd and head to the parking lot to her hot ass Mercedes.

"You know, you could've driven yourself here." Rosalie says unlocking the car. "You do have a brand new Audi, you know."

"Well, my parents wanted to drive me here! I could not argue with Mom and her traditions today!"

Rose sighs and we get in. As we head out of the parking lot, her hand automatically reaches for the stereo and we're screaming our lungs out in a second.

"This is why I'm hot!" Rosalie raises her hand in the air, turning the volume on the loudest. I giggle loudly, throwing myself in the backseat after the hood of the car is off. I'm thanking God it's sunny tonight.

"This is why I'm hot! This is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot!"

"Rose!" I shout, brushing my hair out of my face as I reach for her graduation cap that's sitting in her lap.

"Babe!" Rosalie hands me the cap and starts moving into the passenger seat. Quickly, I hop in the driver seat while she removes her stupid green graduation dress, only to reveal short mini's and a white T-shirt with a print on it. I focus back on the road and stop at a red light.

"Quick." I gasp out of breath. Rosalie throws her graduation dress in the back seat, I climb back there and shove everything inside my gym bag I had put in the car last night.

The song changes and I see Rose pout in the mirror. I bite my lip to fight away the smile and remove my own graduation dress.

In the middle of it, a horn catches me off guard and startled, I fall into the seat. Over the music I can hear loud, booming laughter and I know who it is.

"You asshole's!" Rosalie groans as I untangle myself out of the dress and shove it in the bag. I look up at the guys driving the jeep only to see no one else than Tyler, Mike, Edward and Jasper. All in one car.

I tilt my chin up and climb inside the front passenger seat, blushing.

"Nice show there, Swan." Tyler snickers, chewing on his gum. I hope he chokes on it. I can smell his awful cologne from over here as I glare at him.

"Ty, come on. Cut it out." I hear Mike next to him complain, chuckling.

My eyes land on Cullen in the backseat as Rosalie and Tyler bicker. Edward is smiling smugly and when I catch his eye, he winks at me. But it's not flirty or any kind of a sexual thing, it's an act of comfort.

I realize my jaw is open and I snap my head back with a huff.

"Enjoy it while you can, Crowley." I call back before the traffic light hits the green. Rosalie presses the gas pedal and as we speed off – she holds up her middle finger.

A corner away from the Grill, Rosalie eyes my attire and scrunches up her nose.

"I was hoping you'd be wearing mini's too, but… hey! Should've known."

I don't respond and we get inside the Grill where our so called 'friends' await us. We reach our table and the first thing I hear is:

"Where are the boys? It is so fucking hot in here!"

Shyly, I sit down next to one of the quietest girls of the Cheerleading squad. Instead of listening to the usual girl gossip, I listen to the girl beside me.

"I heard that Biers is challenging the guys who's gonna tap the most bitches tonight. I am so definitely not getting on any of their lists."

"I doubt that. Wouldn't you give it up for at least the half of them? I mean, look at Biers! Tyler! Whitlock! Those goddamn abs…"

"But the number thirteen – he's hot too."

The dark skinned girl – I think Xaviera- gives her an offending look. "He's ginger, Maya. Gingers are freaks."

I quirk up my eyebrow and set down my glass of coke. "Actually, he's not ginger." I cut in. The girls seem surprised as they straighten out and look at me with wide eyes. "I mean, duh, he's dark copper."

There's silence as girls give me weird looks, some of them turn to blankly stare at the table and some scratch the back of their heads.

"Thirteen?" Rosalie clears her throat and nervously looks around. "He's dark copper, yeah. Everyone knows that."

Maya's eyes soften and she smiles at me. "Xavi said he's ginger."

"Nope. Copper all the way." Rosalie wiggles her eyebrows in such a weird and exclusive way that makes me cock my head to the side in question.

Only when she picks me up from home later that night I confront her.

"So," I murmur, putting my feet on her dashboard. Rosalie lightly slaps them off, turning down the volume of the music. "You've banged Cullen?"

I cannot see Rose's expression in the dark as she takes the turn to Crowley's house.

"Rose?"

"Bella, you know-"

"Have you?"

"I'd tell you! You know that!" She pulls to a stop in front of the huge, white house. I'm still watching her as she gets out of the Mercedes.

I clink my tongue against the bridge of my mouth. "Nice." I murmur under my breath before I jump over the door and hurry after her in my combat boots.

I'm wearing my short, ruffly blue flower printed boho skirt and a dark blue camisole. My hair is still in soft waves from earlier and I have pinned back my bangs.

Rosalie beats me to the house and when I reach it – she's no where to be found. So I decide to get myself a drink.

I'm pouring myself some punch when a hand on the lower of my back sends tingles up my spine.

"You look like yourself tonight." Mike says, smiling. He leans against the table and I smile back.

"Is that a compliment?" I purse my lips together, but the corner of my mouth are still turned upwards.

"How isn't that a compliment?" Mike laughs, taking a chug out of his beer. "You know I really fucking like how Rose dresses you, but everything that's you invites me in – somehow."

I flutter my eyelashes, stepping forward. "How?" I murmur, laying my hand on his chest.

Mike gulps and his eyes fall down to my lips.

"You sing to me. You're my singer."

And I can't help it. I lean in to kiss him.

"Mike! Man!" Tyler's booming voice sends me shooting back and spilling the punch everywhere.

"Crowley!"

"Ty, man! Oh, come on!" Mike groans, coming up to me to help me clean off the pink liquid off my blue skirt.

"I'm-"

"Let me-"

"You know, what?" I push Mike away and glare at Tyler. "It's fine. I'm gonna go clean myself up." I murmur and let my arms fall limp by my sides. Tyler is staring wide eyed at me.

His mouth forms in the shape of 'O' and I sigh in frustration. "I interrupted, didn't I?"

Surprisingly, Tyler actually looks sorry. My heart softens just a little and I shake my head.

"Nah, it's good." I murmur, looking down at my skirt. "I'll see you guys around."

"Bella!" Mike grabs my wrist before I can turn to leave. My eyes flick to his buddies that are slowly approaching us.

"Mike, please." I sigh. "Face it. We're done. We really are."

And with that I turn around and head for the stairs. I hear Mike's name being called behind me and there's some shuffling, but I don't glance behind me to see what's happening. I keep walking.

When I get inside the toilet, the first thing I do is grab some tissues from the cabinet above me. I wet them with water and start scrubbing the material together to get it out. My eyes are burning with tears soon enough.

But the door open and I throw my hands up in the air, ready to shout for the person to get out. My hands are grabbed midway in the air.

"Shh, shut up." Edward smirks down at me smugly.

"Taken. Go take a pee somewhere else, will you?" I huff, returning to scrubbing the fabric of my skirt together.

"Okay, stop it now." Edward yanks the material out of my hands and pulls me up in a standing position. "We know you both are so fucking in love it physically hurts to watch you resist each other, but it's time to move on."

"Fuck you."

"You can if you want to." Edward chuckles, shaking me lightly by my shoulders. "Stop being a fucking cry baby, Swan. You're not a cry baby, are you?"

"I'm not."

Edward smiles and wipes the tear stains from my cheeks. I'm blushing.

I've always thought of Edward Cullen as attractive, but I haven't really paid attention to him, because it was always Mike.

Edward tilts my chin up and flicks his thumb over my cheek. "You're lovely. You have your whole life ahead of you."

I blush even deeper.

"Hey!" Edward chuckles. "Dang it, Swan. Stop being cute or I won't resist."

In an instant, I tilt my chin higher and his eyes get deep and his smug smile gets softer.

"You don't really have to resist." I mumble. "Only if you really want to, you know…" I trail off shyly.

Hot and burning, his lips press against mine and he traps me between the wall and him. Edward's hands are roaming over my thighs and I'm already trying to pull his shirt off when he stops me.

"Let's take it somewhere else, will we?"

"Where could we possibly-"

"The beach? No one's there tonight."

Something flashes across my mind and I push him away a little.

"Are you going to fuck me?" I say very carefully. Edward freezes and frowns, his hands linger on my hips. His tongue peeks between his pursed lips.

My heart is beating heavily with lust and fear of rejection. I want him to want me, but I don't want him to want me _tonight_.

Edward leans in and kisses me on the lips before shoving us out the door. Very much unnoticed, we get out of the house. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves, catching up on all the things they lost with time.

We jump in Edward's Volvo and holding each others hand, drive down the road in silence. I should be feeling guilty. Edward is one of Mike's best friends, Mike would be heartbroken.

But I couldn't seem to care anymore. Edward's words rung in my head so loudly...

_You have your whole life ahead of you…_

And I do. And since we all only live once, I decided not to waste an opportunity of an unforgettable graduation night.

The car stopped in the parking lot and Edward was the first one to get out. He came around the car, opened the door for me and hurried off to the trunk. I approached him just as he opened it.

"Oh, Christ!" I gasp, my eyes widening. Edward laughs beside me and takes four beers before closing the trunk.

"I was one of the booze suppliers. It's your lucky day, baby doll." Edward snickers by my ear as we walk through the sand towards the shore.

The wind tonight is light and the sky is clear and beautiful. We sit down just meters away from the shore line and Edward brings me in his lap.

"It's so beautiful out here at night," I say, leaning back my head on his shoulder. Edward brings his arms around my waist, playing with the waistband of my skirt. "I don't understand why I haven't been here at this time of the day yet."

"I come here a lot."

"Of course you do." I murmur and take my beer which he has already opened for me.

"I don't live far from here."

"I know. I've been in your house. It's beautiful."

"Thanks."

For a while we sit there in silence enjoying our beers. I'm playing with the cork of the bottle.

Edward suddenly jumps up on his feet. Startled and dizzy, I laugh when I look up at him. His hands are extended toward the sky and he's grinning at me.

"Let's go skinny dipping!"

"What? _Noooo_…"

"Come on, Swan." Edward pulls me up and removes his shirt taking my goddamn breath away.

Remember when earlier my other cheer squad members were talking about the football players and their abs? Yeah, well, they've obviously never seen Edward Cullen naked.

Dazzled, I stumble backwards, but Edward grabs me. I rub my temples with my free hand and choke out a breath.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I mumble, blinking. Edward pulls away with a frown.

"So are you in or not?"

I hesitate, but the V that starts on Edward's hips is too fucking tempting and I want more, so I shrug.

"Fuck it. Why not?"

I throw my empty beer bottle on the ground by our shoes and pull off my dark blue camisole along with my bra.

Edward wasn't ready for that for sure. His green eyes widened and he spun around, but not before checking my package out.

"Such a gentleman, aren't you?" I tease as I pull of my skirt and panties. Edward takes off his jeans and boxer briefs and palpates for my hand, not daring to look.

I tuck the beer bottle cork under the pile of my clothes.

We make our way inside, cringing each time the cold water gets to a new skin part. Edward pulls me close as we get deeper. The waves get bigger and he stops us before the water can reach our chests.

"Blue suits you." Edward says, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. I haven't unpinned my bangs yet, but I'm somewhat glad, because I didn't need them in my face at this kind of a moment. "Wear blue more often."

I place my hand on his pale chest and run my hand over it. Up to his collarbone… then over his neck and his jaw, until I have palpated to his lips.

"Mike." I choke out, heartbroken.

"He doesn't exist tonight, okay? Forget all about him."

"Make me." I whisper and pull Edward's face down to me. I kiss him softly. The kiss becomes more passionate with every second.

Edward lifts me up, his hands on my ass and my legs around his waist. I feel his member grow against my skin while we kiss.

It's magical. Life changing._ Unforgettable._

Edward pulls away for a brief moment, his hand gripping my jaw very tightly. "I'm not going to fuck you tonight. Understand me?"

"Why?" It comes out almost like a whine.

Edward whispers something, but I don't hear. I'm too distracted by his lips.

We end up stumbling into a rock and Edward props me against it. Even if someone would be down at the beach, they wouldn't see us.

Our hands are all over each other and we are all over each other.

"Damn it, Edward." I hiss, palpating down between us. He's nervously fidgeting to get my hands away, but before he can react – I've grabbed his member and pushed down on it.

"Unnngh-" I almost scream out, but he moves his hand over my mouth and pulls out of me.

"Are you fucking crazy?"

"I-"

"I told you _no_, Bella!" Edward spits. He's upset with me and angry. Once again I've ruined something beautiful.

It's quiet. Only the rush of the waves is heard-able. My heart feels heavy and I can't help it, I break into tears and I'm glad it's so dark.

"Shit, are you crying?" Edward sighs. I feel him closer. I feel his fingertips brush against my collarbone and I turn my face to the side. His fingers eventually find the spot and he brings it to his tongue to have a taste.

"You're crying." He whispers.

"No, it's just the ocean wat-"

"I'm so fucking sorry, baby," Edward cups my face between his hands. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm sorry too."

"Let's get out of here, okay?"

Edward doesn't wait for my response, he takes my hand and slowly drags us out the water. He helps me dress and empties the last of his beer, taking my second one with him.

Edward helps me get inside the car and goes off to find a bin to throw out the empty bottles. While he's gone, by boredom I go through his Ipod playlist, since it's plugged inside. There are many, like – "BNO" which is filled with real badass rap music. There's one named "M mornings" and "S afternoons", one named "R afternoons/days" and one catches my eye. It's not with capitals and is named "be".

I'm running over its song lists when Edward jumps inside the car.

"What are you doing?" He asks nervously and puts on the playlist. The Fray fills the space and I slide deeper in my seat.

"Well, this is not a playlist about living. Or existing. Or being." I point out as he takes my hand and drives out of the parking lot.

"I'd say this is a break up playlist. You like a girl and the feelings might not exactly be mutual, you're heartbroken and completely depressed, but this playlist somehow keeps you being. That's why it's 'be'."

Edward laughs, brushing his thumb over the back of my hand. "You're too deep into it, Bella. Keep it light."

"Dang it, I wasn't right about one thing?" I pout.

Edward spares me a glance, smirking.

"Don't give me that horrible smug smirk. It makes me think you're up to something."

"Don't narrow your pretty little eyes. It makes me feel like a little kid that's just stolen a cookie from the forbidden cookie jar."

I chuckle and huff. Edward turns back to face the road.

"I mean, you were right about one thing."

"About the girl?"

"I guess."

For a brief moment, I thought my heart fell in my chest. Awkwardly, I straighten out.

I was such a fool.

"Tell me about her." I whisper even though I don't want him to. I don't want to hear him swoon about her. I don't want to hear how beautiful she is to his eyes. She'll be ugly in mine either way.

I'm jealous.

"She's stunning." Edward murmurs. "She takes my breath away. She's forbidden, but I still want her."

"Why is she forbidden?"

"She's not mine to have." Edward shrugs. "I think so, at least."

"How stunning is she?"  
"Like I said. The kind that takes men's breath away."

"So," I sigh, bringing my feet on the dashboard and letting go of his hand. "She's blonde and blue eyed isn't she?"

"She might be."

Rosalie pops into my mind and I'm on the verge of tears.

"Do I know her?"

"Better than anyone else."

I bite my lower lip hard, until the pain is bigger than the burning in my eyes. My hands are in tight fists and my leg is slightly shaking. It's quiet again.

Of course it is Rose. How can it not be? Everyone wanted her. Even my brother was head over heels for her.

Oh, my brother… I miss him so much.

We stop by a petrol station. Edward goes in to get some snacks and fill the gas. Rosalie texts me.

_It's over 4 am! Where r u? I'm lookin EVERYWHERE 4 u!_

_-Rose_

The driver door open and Edward sits in, his hands are full of snacks. I snap my phone closed and let it fall into my lap. I pick up the fallen snacks and pile them up over my phone.

"Who was that?" Edward asks after getting in.

I hesitate, but send him a smile. "Rosalie."

"Was it now?"

"She's looking for me."

"Oh," Edward's eyebrows shoot up. "I can drive you to hers. I don't mind."

Fucker. "Nahh, I don't feel like it."

We end up driving to his house while stuffing our mouths with sweets. Edward's house is big. And empty.

"And this is my residence." He sighs, dropping his keys on the stand by the door and leading me upstairs. Edward doesn't show me the house, we go straight to his room and flop into his bed – both tired.

We talk. We talk about little things, like, favorite type of music, favorite color, favorite flowers, favorite movie e.t.c. and we talk until the sun rises on the other side of the window and he's barely keeping his eyes open, cuddled by my side. I pet his hair as he falls asleep and when the first quiet snore comes from him, I slip out of his bed, give him the last kiss and leave with a heavy heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi, again! Not much to say, just enjoy this sappy and cliche chapter!

And, again- Merry Christmas, everyone!

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**Chapter two**

Renee grabs the windowsill and throws a huge grin over her shoulder at me and Rosalie. "He's here, girls!" She claps her hands together and flies out of the kitchen.

As I take a quick, last sip from my coffee I see Rose freeze for a second.

"Relax, Rose." I chuckle and grab her hand. We roll out of the kitchen and into the hall where my brother drops his luggage and lifts both of us up. I hear our mother sob by the door with her hand over her mouth to quiet them.

I wrap my arms around Emmett's neck as he presses his cheek into the crook of my neck. I feel his tears soak through my thin sweater. A sob breaks over my lips and Emmett pulls me closer.

"Shh, shh…" He keeps chanting as he gently puts me and Rose to the ground. I pull away to let them greet each other properly.

It's been a year since the last time we saw him.

Emmett kisses Rose's forehead and pulls away.

He takes off his cap and throws it on the stand by the door. I grab one of his bags while Dad takes the other one and Mom throws herself into her sons arms again. With burning eyes, I carry it upstairs to his old room. Dad and I throw the luggage on his bed before rushing back down the stairs.

"I baked chocolate chip cookies, Em!" Mom giggles, ushering Rose to the kitchen. Emmett waves them off and leans against the rails of the stairs. Dad passes him with a pat on the shoulder and they smile to each other before he follows Mom and Rose into the kitchen.

"You've grown so darn much." Emmett puffs, grabbing me by the waist as I stand on the last step of the stairs. Even if I would be standing on the third step, I wouldn't be half as tall as him.

I bump my head against his shoulder and he softly pushes me back up by my shoulders. I look at him then. Really look at him.

And he's there. He's in front of me. Alive. Healthy. Breathing.

"Oh," Emmett flashes his thumb over my cheekbone to wipe away my tear. "For fuck's sake, stop crying."

An abrupt giggle escapes me. "I just missed you." I murmur and tuck my hands deeper into the sleeves of my dark red sweater. Emmett grabs the strings of the hood and pulls on them. "You dork!" I complain and aim for the top of his head, but get his cheek.

"Ouch!"  
"Ooh, crap! Sorry, I didn't mean it." I cry out. "I'm sorry."

Emmett pushes my shoulder and I stumble to the side, grabbing a hold of the stair rails while he hurries off to the kitchen. I follow the booming laughter.

We enter the kitchen and help Mom carry the food to the dining room. While we set the table, Emmett and Rose go upstairs to unpack him for the couple days he's staying. I don't even want to know what else they're doing.

"It's nice to see Rosalie and Emmett so happy," Mom murmurs, setting a plate on the table. I look up from where I'm standing, thinking about from where the turkey would look the best.

"Yeah, we all know how Rose usually is."

Mom straightens out. "She's fine with it now, right? Emmett leaving so often, I mean."

"I don't know," I shrug. "She seems fine."

"It's sad." Mom suddenly says as I head out of the dining room to call Em and Rose down. I frown at my mother's nervous face. Her fingers are gripping the edge of the chair in front of her very tightly. "It's very quiet without you all here. I wish I could turn the time back and relive it all… you know?"

Her brown eyes flick down and she takes a deep breath. This is probably the deepest that my mother has ever said to me, as she is always so occupied with the latest gossip of Forks. It's very overwhelming, because it always feels like there's something off about her.

Awkward, I cross my arms over my chest and bite my lower lip. "Sure, Mom." I mumble. She's nervous again as she looks up and gives me a small smile. I head out in the hallway and enter the living room where Dad is sitting, watching a game. I grab the nearest pillow on the comforter by the fireplace and throw it at the back of his head.

"Wha- hey! Bella! I'm watching the game."

"Dinner's ready." I narrow my eyes at him. Dad flashes me a grin and throws the pillow back at me. It lands just by the comforter after I step out of the way.

"Rose, Em!" I shout from down the stairs. "Stop sucking, get down here!"

"Bella!" Mom gives me a strained look from the kitchen, I shrug, suddenly my hair is all over my face.

"Emmett, you're an ass."

He grins at me and leads Rosalie to the dining room, Dad passes too and behind me follows mom. We sit down at the table and have a meal just like the ol' days when Em and I were still around.

And Mom and Dad talked more.

"I am very interested, pardon me." Emmett starts as soon as he ends the previous question. Rosalie gives me a teasing look from beside him and pops a broccoli in her mouth. "But, why hasn't Bella brought a guy home? I mean – it's Christmas eve!"

"Oh-ugh…" I drop my fork and knife. Dad nods in approval of Em's question and Mom's jaw hang open.

"Emmett, honey! Nice point! I haven't seen you with a boy since you broke up with Mike!"

Emmett turns to quirk up his eyebrow at me. "Dude, you broke up with Mike?" He chokes out.

"No way!"

"Please, don't-" I raise my hand up in defense. Rosalie giggles and high fives my Dad.

"But he was the one!"

"Obviously he wasn't, so..." I shrug and stab my turkey. Memories of the night of my graduation come back to me and I eye Rosalie.

I can't hear Emmett's rambling, Mom's giggles or Dad's chuckles. It's Rosalie's jingly laughter I hear.

Thousand things run through my mind. The possibility of her sleeping with Edward, him loving her, her loving Emmett, Emmett loving her…

I didn't know her that much at all. No better than Emmett.

I'm quiet the rest of the dinner and afterwards help my Mom clean up while Emmett and Rosalie disappear upstairs. Dad goes back to watching the game.

I put the stash of dirty plates next to the sink.

"Could you take out the trash?" Mom asks, pointing over her shoulder.

"Sure…"

I grab the black trash bag and start to drag it out of the kitchen when Mom stops me again.

"Bella!"

"Huh?"

"What's… with you? You seemed off after dinner." She turns off the sink and blows her hair out of her face.

"Oh, I'm okay."  
"Was it the boy talk? If that, then I'm so sorry, hon-"

I raise my hand up in defense and smile at her. "Mom, relax. It's fine." I chuckle and grab the trash bag again.

"Alrighty, then." Mom huffs under her breath.

I kick the front door open and the exact moment I do – I wish I hadn't.

The silver Volvo is parked by my aunt's house on the sidewalk, and on the porch is no one else other than Edward Cullen saying his goodbye's to Aunt Sarah.

The door behind me shut and with heavy, slow steps, I walk down my porch and over the lawn.

As I'm opening the trash can, Aunt Sarah decides to greet me over the whole fucking neighborhood. Needless to say that I want to fucking stab her.

"Bella, honey!" She's jumping and waving her arm in the air. Awkwardly, I put my hand up and wave back. Edward's back is still turned towards me, I see him shove his hands in his dress pant pockets.

"Aunt Sarah…" I call back with my voice all tired and groggy. "So great to… see you."

And then he decides to turn around.

And it's like I'm struck with lightning.

His eyes seem greener, his skin seems paler and the stubble along the line of his jaw is just… to fucking die for.

Nostalgia washes over me when he sends a dizzy, dazzling smile to me.

Aunt Sarah steps out of the doorway of her house, closing the door behind. She slightly shivers, but doesn't arch into any weird poses like a true lady that she is and just sends me a bigger smile.

"Darling, tell me now... Was that boy Emmett that entered the house earlier, or was I seeing a ghost?"

Fucking bitch. My hands slightly shake from the want of stabbing her in the fucking throat. Ha-ha. Ghost. So fucking funny, I'm dying.

"Nah, it was just Em."

"That's such a relief! I thought he got shot or bombed or something…" Aunt Sarah let out her hoarse laugh and then turned to Edward, who was slowly walking down the steps of his porch. "I'll see you later then, kid. Don't forget to ring my baby when you get home! She can get so worried…"

"Sure," I heard Edward say and smile as he reached his car. "I'll see you around then. Goodbye!"

And that sounded more like along the lines of 'Never ever am I dining with you crazy people again'. I bite my lip to hold back a snort as I drop the bag into the can.

Stanley's front door slam shut. The heels of Edward's dress shoes click against the solid asphalt as he crosses the road, the snow cracking underneath. I adjust the cover on the can and with a heavy sigh, look up.

"Did you enjoy the mashed potatoes? They're _heaven_." I purse my lips together, to hide my smile. Edward narrows his eyes at me in suspicion.

"Ha-ha."

"Admit it, they were horrible." I teasingly slap his shoulder. He gives me a small smile.

"They were just fine."

I quirk up an eyebrow.

"Okay, they were horrible…" Edward brings his fist in front of his mouth to muffle down his chuckles. An awkward silence set in…

"So," Edward clears his throat. "Haven't seen you since what?"

"Graduation."

"_Graduation_, huh? That's a long time ago."

"A year and a half, if we're specific." I bite the lower of my lip. Edward scratches the back of his head.

I look back up and open my mouth to say something, but I see Jessica's curtains move and catch her glaring at us.

"Your girlfriend is-" Edward snaps around, startled. "She's _peeping_." I murmur and step away, realizing just how close we were standing. Edward turns back to me, but I'm already crossing the lawn.

"I should go."

"Yeah…"

"Would you…?"

We both freeze.

The cold breeze hits me and I feel alive. More alive than I've ever been.

I wait.

Edward slouches and sighs in frustration through his nose.

"Would you want to meet up? I know we're not really friends or anything, but-"  
"Sure." I cut him off. "When and where? I'll be there."

Edward seems surprised and grins at me. "I was thinking… tonight? The Grill?"

Tonight. The grill. With Edward. Alone.

"Sounds great! I'll meet you in, like, an hour?"

"Deal. My treat."

I reach the porch steps, smiling to myself while Edward gets inside his Volvo and drives off.

Suddenly, it feels like high school all over again.

"I didn't know you guys were friends…"

"Oh! Christ!" I snap around, holding my hand to my chest. Rosalie is in the doorway, holding two cups of hot chocolate with a confused look on her face. Her ice blue eyes are glued to the spot where she last saw Edward Cullen's car go.

She offers me the cup and I take it. "Oh, no… we're not."  
"Mind if I tag along?"

I enter the house and she closes the door behind me.

"Why would you want to tag along?"

"I don't know, the thought of reuniting seems nice." She shrugs and heads towards the living room, sipping on her drink. I grab her elbow and yank her back to me.

"It seems pretty fucking suspicious to me." I murmur. "That is – if my opinion even matters."

"Bella," Rosalie glares at me. "Stop it, you're acting crazy!"

I let go of her arm and she waltzes back into the living room. I realize I'm gripping the cup so hard, my hands are burning from the heat. With a hiss, I set it down on the stand by the door and run up the stairs.

I remove my jeans, my sweater and socks. I pull on my black pantyhose and my white folk print dress that reaches just above my knees. Somewhere at the deepest parts of my closet should be my black ankle boots. I manage to find them too, as well as one of my favorite winter coats. I brush my teeth and apply some foundation, mascara and lipstick. My hair is a mess, so I re-adjust it into a pony tale even though I could easily brush it ands let it free, but I'm too self-conscious.

I run down the stairs and grab my car keys. A loud "Are you going somewhere?" comes from the kitchen.

"Bella!" Mom puts down the gingerbread cookie she was about to have. Rosalie smiles over her head at me mischievously.

"Oh, I'm just going out."  
"With whom?"

"Oh, no one…" I wave Mom off, when I hear Rosalie giggle.

The next is Emmett's loud gasp. "No way! Cullen? You go, sister!"

"It's not like that." I say through gritted teeth and make sure the door slam behind me.

A few minutes later, I'm pulling into the parking lot in the back of the grill.

The Grill is almost empty, a couple of old men drinking beer at a table and playing cards. I give them a nice look when they greet me and jump on one of the bar stools, the bartender – Josh, one of the graduates of Forks high that accidentally made his girl a bun in the oven, greets me. He used to hang around the house a lot, since he and Em were in the same gang, one of the nicest people I've known.

"Hey, Bella." He smiles at me softly. "Can I get you something?"

"If this would be in normal conditions, I'd ask a glass of sparkling water, but…" I sigh. "Since we know each other so well and I'm almost twenty one, I know you will allow me the joy of Heinekens."

Josh chuckles, I give him the money and he opens up a beer for me.

"Oh, nice," A voice from behind me says and I grin. Edward sits down next to me. "We're having beer?"

Josh quirks up an eyebrow at me and I raise up two fingers. He does the same for Edward what he did to me.

"So," Edward starts when Josh is out of hearing-range. "I see that the folk hasn't left the Bella I know."

"The Bella you know hasn't left either." I take a pull of my beer.

"You look nice."

"Thanks, you too."

"How's Florida?"

"Sunny. How's Chicago?"

Edward laughs through his nose, takes a pull and eyes me. "Windy."

"Yeah, people talk like that."

A laugh.

"Be." I hum, downing the bitter liquid in my mouth. "I never thought it could be Jessica."

Edward clears his throat and slouches a bit. His elbows are on the counter and he blinks a few times. Only now I realize how awfully tired he looks.

"Who did you think she was?"

"I don't know…" I look down at my lap after I set the bottle down in front of me. I wish it would've been me…

"Yes you do."

I look up to see Edward's face. "Rosalie?" I mumble.

"R-Rosalie?" He chokes out. "Your Rosalie?"

"Hale."

"Jazz's sister?! No…" Edward shakes his head a little and takes a pull. "Wow, never. Why would you think like that?"

"You said I know her better than everyone else, you said she was pretty and-"

"I said a lot of things." Edward cuts me off. His jaw tightens and he licks his lips. "And it's not Jessica either, so…"

"Oh, Christ." I groan quietly. "Who is it then?! Tell me!"

Edward gives me a side look while he orders another beer. Josh gives us a strange look and sets down another round of beers in front of us. "Why do you care?"

"I'm curious!"

"Nahh, that's not it." Edward scrunches up his nose. "Jealous, maybe?"

Wow, what a fucking Einstein!

"No." I lie. Another pull.

"Liar."

"No." Again, I lie.

"You shouldn't be, anyways."

"Shouldn't be what?"

"Jealous."

"Why?"

Edward doesn't respond. He empties his first bottle of beer, grabs our second rounds and heads off to the pool table. Dazzled, I follow him. Josh gives me a compassionate glance.

"Edward?" I ask as he grabs one of the cue's and sets the beer bottles on the edge of the pool table.

"M?"

"Did you and Rose… you know… have sex back in high school?"

Edward looks over his shoulder at me and gives me a crooked smile. "We messed around."

"Messed around like…" I come by his side after he adjusts the balls and sets the white one in front of him. "Like you and I did, or…?"

Edward hits the white ball, making two balls fly into the holes. Both are striped.

The next thing I know, he's tilting my chin up with his forefinger. I'm dazzled and can't say a single word once again.

"Don't be jealous."

I huff and almost turn my face away, but he grips it between his thumb and index finger. "Look at me." He forces me. I look at him.

"Don't do that, you know I hate it when you turn the cold shoulder."

"You answered my question."

"No, I didn't."

"I know the answer, anyways."

Edward lets go of my chin and sighs.

"You don't know anything."

"I know enough."

"Yes, we fucked. We fucked and it didn't mean a single fucking thing."

My lower lip trembled and suddenly, I felt disgusted to the bone. My eyes burned, the lump in my throat was choking me. Carefully, I put my cue back in place while Edward was aiming in front of me.

God, this grill is so fucking rancid.

Without a single word, I grab my purse and leave. My hands nervously fidget as I look for my Audi keys. Eventually, half of my shit falls on the ground and I bend to pick them up.

"Bella, what the-" Some rustling and Edward's pale hands are helping me on the sidewalk. I grab my MAC lipstick and my car keys from his hand before straightening out.

"Why'd you leave?"

I back away. "I don't think we can be friends, Edward…"

"Why?"

"We just… can't." I breathe out, staring down at my hands. He crosses the distance between us.

"Look at me when you say it."

"Edward-"

"Bella."

I take a deep breath and look at him. His expression couldn't be more indifferent than it is right now. I want to slap him across the face. Hard.

"Maybe I don't want to be your friend."

"What do you want to be, then?"

The question catches me off guard. I was counting on him not saying anything at all, just walking off with a smug smirk like the fucking asshole he truly was. But there was something weighing him here… something that couldn't let him go.

I slouch just a little and look to the side. "Forget it." I whisper and turn around. His fingers wrap around my wrist, but I yank it out of his hold and keep walking to my Audi. He doesn't stop me.

I get in.

Edward's no where in sight.

I drive off.

He isn't following.

Resentment and hate fills every cell of my poor body. The house is dark when I park my Audi in the driveway. Quietly, I sneak inside, bringing my keys with me. I remove my boots and slowly go up the stairs. Luckily, I still remember which steps creak and which steps don't from when I was still in high school and used to sneak in and out of the house every now and then.

"How was the date?"

Shit.

"It was shit." I smile at Rosalie over my shoulder in pure fucking sarcasm. She steps forward, to follow me inside my room, but I stop her.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"I'm your best friend, Bella. You need to stop throwing shit from the past at me."

I grit my teeth. "Listen,_ bestie_. You lied to me. You fucked Edward behind Em's back in high school. Don't you think that's called cheating?"

"Bella, let me explain-"

"Save it."

I close the door in her face.

I strip down into my lingerie and head to the shower. The hot water makes me relax and I'm not as uptight as I was ten minutes ago.

Even though I'd gladly slap the shit out of Rose any time.

Carefully, I step out of the shower and let the cold air hit me. I wrap a towel around myself and do some facials before changing into my lingerie and throw my favorite robe on. It's satin and midnight blue.

Edward loves blue on me.

I turn off the light and enter my bedroom again. It's the same way I left it a few minutes ago and it feels a little disappointing. I don't know why. Maybe I was waiting for Edward to climb up that tree by my window and break in, just to tell me how much he craved and missed me.

I decide to go down the memory lane.

I walk up to my stereo and put The Smiths album to the lowest. My old desk looks very promising. I sit down on the old wooden chair and run my fingertips over the white desk top. As far as I know, it's very old, but that's what makes it special.

The two drawers contain of many unnecessary sheets. Half of it is my doodles and notes and chats with Rose. The topics mainly were – music, boys, the latest movies and fashion trends, even if I weren't that much into it.

It seemed like instead of one year – ten years had passed. All of it seemed so old to me now…

Then, I find the old little music box that my Grandma had given me for my seventh birthday. It played the tune of Claire De Lune and inside of it were little, unnecessary things, like hair ribbons, friendship bracelets e.t.c.

It's weird, how stupid it seems now and how much it mattered to me a few years ago. There's a small picture of Rosalie and Emmett under all of the ribbons, and a picture of Mike…

And then there's that cork.

The cork of Edward's beer bottle I had taken that night… I had completely forgotten about it.

I flip the cork between my fingers, it reads "Heineken". Funny, how we were drinking it just this night again. Carefully, I tuck it back underneath the photos, the ribbons and all of the tiny crap I had in the box.

I shut the drawer and take the box with me, putting it on my nightstand, so I wouldn't forget to pack it to Florida when I go back.

Then, I go to my bookshelf, taking my copy of Romeo And Juliet. I open it, and there it is… The red rose that Mike gave on our first date when we were twelve. It had to be the cutest thing ever. I smile to myself.

But things have changed. Mike is out of my life for long, I and Rosalie aren't so close either, Emmett too.

I'm alone.

And as I lay down in my bed for a nice rest for the night, I realize I'm completely fine by being alone. Maybe, because at heart, I've always been alone…


End file.
